Farewell – 24.01.2025

I believe that we had to meet. For some reasons.

To learn from each other. To be able to continue to grow, unfortunately no longer together.

What broke our relationship were our very different security needs. In your world, security is family. In my world, security is material things. We made each other insecure. Me, against your need for family security, because I kept leaving, questioning, doubting – you against my need for material security, because you were thoughtless and reckless with my money – my security for the future.

I tried to let go of material things. You tried to let me go. But in the end, we didn’t really manage to do either. Instead, we hurt each other the most badly.

We can’t go back. We masterfully and completely destroyed our mutual trust. But we can look back and try to understand. To continue to grow, each for oneself.

Unfortunately, our childhood traumas all too often drive us away from a harmonious, loving relationship.
We need the security of the other. Me, that I am loved. My deficit, why I need material so much. You, that you are recognized. Your deficit, why you should never be questioned…
We both needed the certainty that we are right for the other.

But we can’t compensate for these deficits through the other person. We can only do that within ourselves.

I asked myself: why did the other one make us feel so insecure?
Why did we drift further and further away from each other until there was nothing left but mistrust?

Because we mirrored each other’s weaknesses. Because at some point we only felt that it was the other person’s fault. For the lack of recognition. For the lack of love. We didn’t meet each other for nothing. We also met ourselves.

My farewell wish for you is that you learn to value yourself. That you learn that no one should judge you for your worst experience as a child. Not to take away the identity you are so desperately searching for. You are. Perfect. Just as you are. Without stories. Without artificially created self-presentation. Simply because you are.

Of course, our actions are not always perfect. It is driven by fear. Resulting from our emotional injuries – as a child. We cannot erase these injuries. But we can become aware of them. And accept them as part of us.

We can recognize that the other person who caused us so much suffering in our childhood, who may not have been there for us, who deprived us of love and security, who left us helplessly alone with our childish feelings and his own overload, has also experienced trauma.

We can forgive. Make peace. And no longer make our worth dependent on making reparations. A reparation that we as adults often unconsciously seek in other connections and mirrors. We can make ourselves clear and feel that it is good! We are good. That this person who hurt me so much put their own trauma on me. We are never to blame. Not for the suffering of others. Not for the confusion in life. As long as we don’t consciously want to harm someone. A child cannot consciously want to harm. An adult can. But usually also and precisely because of old childhood traumas.

We can learn that the actions of the person who hurt me back then could never take away my real value and cannot do so today. Not even vicariously through others. I am. Complete.

If we manage to give ourselves self-love and self-worth again and again –
then the traumas and the resulting fears no longer control us, but we control them.

Then perhaps one day we will be able to love and receive love unconditionally and without fear. Without guarantees. Without security. Without holding on. And then it will remain. The love. In ourselves and for the other!